Regarding Discretion (5:1-2)
"My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding: That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge." Proverbs 5:1-2
The living room of the my childhood was always shared in the company of a mother and father who monitored my choice of television carefully. Often, on a Sunday evening after church, we'd return home to enjoy a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and an episode of Fraggle Rock before I went off to bed. On one particular evening, my family had rented the blockbuster film, Top Gun, because the label on the back noted "PG" rather than "PG-13." Since I was only a mere 10 years old, mom and dad were hoping they could trust the "guidance" that was being suggested. However, within the first ten minutes, I was excused from the room for scenes of excessive language and vulgarity. As I went to my bedroom moaning on about my maturity, I later came to recognize that they had exercised the advisement of parental discretion that so few adults even consider for their children a mere twenty years later.
Of the nine times that "discretion" is used in Scripture, six of those occurrences are in the Book of Proverbs (1:4, 2:11, 3:21, 5:2, 11:22, 19:11). Quite simply, discretion is a matter of wisely choosing one option from another. And as we saw in the previous chapter, the path of wisdom has many enemies and many distractions. Hence, the application of discretion in one's life demands a few essentials.
Among these essentials are three ingredients that Solomon highlights in the opening two verses of Proverbs 5. First, an attendance to wisdom is crucial. When we "attend" conferences and classes, we do so to hear what's going to be taught. Which leads to the second point. In order to make full use of discretion, we must first "bow" our ears to "understanding." In other words, bowing to those who already have the understanding you hope to apprehend by listening to their instruction. And third, once wisdom and understanding are gained, one's "lips" must "keep knowledge" on them. We may be "smarter than a fifth-grader," but most of us do not retain what we have not kept in use. And certainly no one is likely to recall what they have not kept.
Discretion is necessary in all things we do, for not all of our choices are so explicitly laid out in Scripture. Choosing one job over another is a taxing consideration, but you will find no Biblical roadmap that offers a clear answer. Neither does the single man find his mate by looking for her sign in the Book of Romans. We grow in Scripture, we grow in knowledge, we grow in understanding, and we grow in wisdom when we cultivate the practice of listening, reading, studying, and examining the things that we're taught. Through this exercise, our thoughts become more akin to His thoughts. Solomon expects no less from his son. And such discretion must begin with the instructive words of an already wise father. We're fortunate to have a Father who gives us His Word.
With so few in our culture today who operate with sound discretion, those of us who adhere to the soundness of God's Word should consider the wisdom we have at our disposal. The scenarios we face are all uniquely experienced, so it goes without saying that our path must be guided by the only One who sees it all. By staying in the Word of God, we can be assured that although our decisions are fallible, our lips and ears are accustomed to the kind of knowledge that breeds heavenly wisdom in our daily choices.
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"For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two edged sword." Proverbs 5:3-4
If ever there was a portion of Scripture that had the capacity to make its readers squirm with awkwardness, Solomon might be deserving of an author's crown. Through his great wisdom and through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the king writes with no shame about the beauty of sexual purity and the damage of sexual infidelity. Quite unlike other Biblical authors who talk of sex with an objective lens, for King Solomon, this is a very personal issue. And he makes that no secret. In fact, the first time that I read the Song of Solomon verse by verse, there were times I found myself blushing and sweating from such explicit and obvious references. I thought, "How can such romantic intimacy be a part of God's Word?" However, after realizing the lengths to which Solomon would go to warn his audience about the dangers of an extra-marital relationship, it made sense that he would elevate the marriage bed even moreso. Proverbs 5 is a thematic message about the temptations and ends of adultery when a man ought always to "rejoice" with the wife of his youth (5:18). And I warn you before we get very far that portions of this chapter may cause you to squirm.
One particularly relevant phrase in the Song of Solomon is that the lips of his beloved spouse "drop as the honeycomb" (SS 4:11). Quite unlike refined sugar that we're frequently accustomed, the droppings of honeycomb are naturally sweet. With the exception of honey that's mixed with another substance, honey that "drops" from the honeycomb is at its most natural point. It's pure. It's undefiled. It's untouched. Likewise, when a husband first takes his wife, according to Scripture, there is a desire that she be pure (perhaps even purified) of the touch that any other man could offer. The intimacy of the marriage bed belongs to one man and one woman.
The problem, of course, is that for a man, there are other women beyond his solitary wife whose lips are as yet, undefiled. And the untouched woman is a temptation against the husband's faithfulness. Hence, we find that even today, many older men turn from their wives of many years and give their attention to a younger, more naturally sweet temptation of youth. In the context of a marital message, Scripture's use of the "strange woman" is generally a reference to anyone who is not a man's wife. For while this stranger may be beautiful, sweet, and smoother than oil, she is a stranger to the married man. Certainly if she were to find her own husband, her ends would not be so bitter, but indeed, this passage is addressing a stranger who becomes intertwined with the pure marriage bed.
When that happens, her once sweet lips become "bitter as wormwood." The wormwood is an herb always associated with poison and intense bitterness. Those of us who know of a friend or loved one who was found living in adultery, the once enjoyable pleasures of secret infidelity can destroy a home and divide a family. Understandably, Solomon points out that her end is "sharp as a two edged sword." The smooth and sweet lips of a strange woman will always leave a bitter scar in the middle of the marriage bed. He who entangles himself with her lips will face an expensive and personal cost. Indeed, the purity of the marriage bed is a universal responsibility, not a dispensational debate.
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"Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell." Proverbs 5:5
More than likely, the title of this study made you cringe. For some, it might even come across as offensive. But in the face of controversy, there isn't much about "hell" that we've ever gotten comfortable with discussing. And while some in our world choose to use it as a term of profanity, others make it a description of their general state of being when the chips are down and life is hard. In the Christian world, "hell" is often used to scare unbelievers toward salvation, while Universalists have come to believe that "hell" is itself an English conspiracy that doesn't belong in the canon of Scripture. The point is, few of us are very comfortable talking about "hell" because we believe someone, somewhere misuses the term in a way that disturbs our peace of mind.
In a study about wisdom, I would be foolish to pretend these brief words can somehow be a treatise on the subject of death. All of us are void of death's experience. Still, one of the most valuable reasons for examining Scripture verse-by-verse is that we're forced to deal with the subjects we might otherwise avoid in a topical study of our choosing.
The Book of Proverbs, as we covered in the early introduction, presents an enormous catalogue of poetic parallels. One such style in Hebrew poetry is called a synonymous parallelism. This is when the second clause merely restates what the first one said with only minor changes. Proverbs 5:5 is a synonymous parallelism. In other words, "feet" and "steps" are of the same nature. Likewise, "go down to" and "take hold on" can be interchanged without affecting the meaning of the verse. And finally, "death" and "hell" are also equivalent in their context, regardless of how we define either word.
For the uninitiated and unfamiliar, the Hebrew term underneath "hell" in this translation is Sheol. Perhaps the best and most comprehensive definition I've ever read on Sheol is this: "world of the dead (as if a subterranean retreat), including its accessories and inmates: grave, pit." The reason I find this so all-inclusive is because "the world of the dead" can be such an exhaustive consideration. Dust will always return to the earth, but what of the soul? Surely all of us can acknowledge that death is not so simple that "hell" should have one meaning.
When we think of the synonymous relationship between "feet" and "steps," we're thinking of one that is required for the other to achieve its operation. There are no steps without feet. Similarly, when we think of the relationship between "death" and "hell," we're thinking of one that is required for the other to achieve its fuller meaning. And there is no hell without death (for there would be no need). But what exactly is the "hell" of the text? Is it a place of eternal torment or is it merely the grave?
There is indeed a place of unquenched fire and eternal damnation, but I believe we're in good keeping with sound Biblical study to associate this particular passage with hell's grave for the flesh, rather than hell's abode for the soul. There are several ways to look at the verse, but Solomon goes to great lengths to point out just how dangerous the smooth and sweet stranger can be for the lives of his people. Hers is a deadly stairway to hell. I'm reminded of the sexually immoral man in I Corinthians 5:1-5 whose "spirit" would be saved after the "destruction of his flesh." He followed in the steps of death, but his spirit was securely fastened to another destination. Fortunately, by the grace of God in this age, ours is a hope beyond the grave.
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"Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them." Proverbs 5:6
Men are a fickle bunch. We often change our minds with the wind and exchange our doctrines for the price of fame and glory. Of course, the challenge we have is that maturity of life requires a modification of immature views we held in years past. None of us can claim a full understanding of all things and often, our studies demand a bit of movement. Once questioned about his change on the issue of slavery from the 1830s to the 1850s, Abraham Lincoln gained prestige for saying that he hoped he was smarter than he had been twenty years earlier. So on what are we permitted to change? To what extent can a man move and avoid the slander of condemnation?
The Apostle Paul once wrote that those who are in the faith should "be not moved from the hope of the gospel" (Colossians 1:23). This may, in fact, be far more difficult a task than we like to admit. Hope is based on something we cannot see (Romans 8:24) and thus, the invisible hopes we have can be manipulated by the visible things we experience. My, how daunting it is to "be not moved" from hope!
King David wrote at length about the rock and salvation upon which he would not be moved (Psalm 62:2,6). Before looking briefly at the "moveable ways" of the strange woman, let's pause to reflect on the soundness of an immovable path as written by David in Psalm 112: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keep thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore."
When David writes that his "foot" will not be moved, he is writing of the established path upon which the Lord has placed him. All of his "going out" and "coming in" is preserved by the hand of the Lord. As the keeper of His people, God does not slumber or sleep through the night. Alas, any steps taken on the established path are steps that can be known because they don't change. If, on the other hand, the path is moveable, then the steps cannot be known and there can be no sure thing.
Solomon, who has measured the "death" and "wormwood" that the strange woman brings with her "smooth" and "sweet" lips, now ensures his reader that she cannot be trusted. For her ways cannot be known as they are movable. On the one hand, we can and should recognize this for what it is: a warning to the future king of Israel about the temptations and dangers of infidelity in the kingdom. On the other hand, we ought to acknowledge a more subtle lesson: that movable men should not be followed.
Perhaps you ask yourself, "Well, yes, but aren't we all vulnerable to the possibility of moving away from something we believe?" Indeed we are. The path of mankind is a constantly shifting path because he is an imperfect and maturing creature. The path of God's wisdom is the only established course upon which men can walk and "know" where they are walking. Ensure that your path is with the Lord and Be Not Moved.
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"Here me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth. Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house." Proverbs 5:7-8
One of the remarkable components of Scripture is that the things we read in one passage are generally repeated in another. Very rarely do we find a message hidden in isolated verses that we cannot also find elsewhere. In many ways, this is how we connect the dots of Biblical books and chapters that were written by different authors in different generations. Or, as Chuck Missler might say about the Bible: "It's an integrated message system sent to us from outside our time domain." Fortunately for the "children" Solomon is now speaking, the door of this strange, smooth, sweet, yet foolish woman is described in greater detail in Proverbs 9:13-18:
"A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. For she sitteth at the door of her house, on a seat in the high places of the city, to call passengers who go right on their ways: 'Whoso is simple, let him turn in hither:' and as for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him, 'Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.' But he knoweth not that the dead are there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell."
Solomon shifts his attention from "son" to "children" in the passage because there are far more "passengers" who will risk coming near to the door of this house. They are the ones who "go right on their ways." In other words, they are walking the established course set before them in godly wisdom. Then, from outside the right path, when the father's voice is silent, she speaks and says, "turn." Such a "simple" temptation, yet every responsible warning has been given beforehand. "If sinners entice thee, consent thou not" (1:10). "Refrain thy foot from their path" (1:15). "None that go unto her return again" (2:19). "Enter not into the path of the wicked…avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away" (4:14-15). "Turn not to the right hand nor the to the left: remove thy foot from evil" (4:27). Can the message be any less complicated?
Is it any wonder that in Proverbs 1, wisdom cries in disgust when she is ignored in favor of the strange and foolish woman? "Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded; but ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh" (1:24-26). If all steps are to be pondered beforehand (4:26), why should a man ever turn toward something or someone who is not on the course? This is exactly why wisdom gets fed up with foolishness. And this is the essence of why we begin to see a conflict between the "wise" and "foolish" extremes. Wisdom, of course, gets to write the book on folly because she knows all that it entails. Needless to say, wisdom is miffed by the men who turn from her counsel and she finds cause to "laugh" and "mock" them for the fools that they are.
Before the door of the stranger is ever described in the detail of Proverbs 9, Solomon writes that his son and his children ought "remove" themselves from coming "nigh" (or near) to the door. The closer they get to her door, the nearer they will be to hearing her foolish temptations. Is it any wonder that the foolishness of Israel earned them the backhand of God's fury?
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"Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel:" Proverbs 5:9
Honor is, perhaps, most remembered in Scripture for its opening place inside the fifth commandment. In Exodus, we read "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" (Exodus 20:12). In Deuteronomy, we read "Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" (Deuteronomy 5:16). Even Paul, when writing about this commandment for the present age, he says, "Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth" (Ephesians 6:2-3). Combined, the message of honoring one's parents can be found with the promise that "days may be long," "days may be prolonged," and "thou mayest live long on the earth."
The practicality of the fifth commandment is often lost on those of us who adhere to a "grace" message where "law" is typically ignored in our studies. Certainly we are not "under" law (Romans 6:14), nor are we set at odds with God as His enemies if we fail to meet the conditions and obligations of Exodus and Deuteronomy (Romans 5:10). However, the relevance of the fifth commandment to the Book of Proverbs is, or ought to be, obvious. For in it we see a scattered pattern of a father giving every advance of wisdom to a son who, if he is obedient, will reap the benefits of understandably long life (Proverbs 3:2,18,22; 4:10,22-23).
When Solomon warns his son against the giving of "thine honour unto others," he's essentially talking about the unintentional loss of life. The "stranger" of Chapter Five is the ultimate con-artist who, though she is beautiful and alluring, can cost a king his greatest asset: his honor. And though he may, in the end, cry that she misled him, he has lost his honor because he failed to acknowledge the parental authority who gave him the necessary instructions to avoid falling into her trap. Yet again, this is the very reason why wisdom turns into the mocker of those who were raised in her wisdom, yet take the opposing path of foolishness.
Alas, when a man gives his honor away, he has given away the possibility of "years" where he might have otherwise been fruitful. His "years" then belong to the "cruel," harsh, and savage individuals who now lead his path down a dark and broken road. Few, if any these days, have the good fortune of a mother and father whose wisdom is evident in their reflective parenting. Still, there is a great lesson in acknowledging the path that a parent sets before his or her children. And if we have no honor for those who brought us into the world, then we may risk losing sight of the Father who already laid the path to get us out of it (Ephesians 1:3; 4:6).
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"Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labors be in the house of a stranger;" Proverbs 5:10
Tradition and experience has taught men that their labor should always count for something. Whether a man works for a dime or a dollar, he rarely volunteers his energy to a cause unless by his own choice of conviction. Even then, we generally regard a volunteer as doing what he does in order to gain some level of prestige or credibility toward future employment. Then there are the forced volunteers who, by no choice of their own, find themselves as slaves within a system they do not wish to serve. In the end, we find that labor is either given or taken. Where it is taken, the laborer has no stake in what he produces. Where it is given, the laborer obtains an income for his work. And that income, whether by small or large percentage, is his wealth.
Solomon speaks in this verse about the unintentional giving of one's labor to a stranger who will, in turn, fill herself with the wealth that such labor produces. Some may recall that the great and wise king of Israel once finished his work on the "house of the Lord" (I Kings 7:51), quickly amassed a fortune (I Kings 10:23), and soon gave his attention toward the "strange women" (I Kings 11:1) who "turned away his heart after other gods" (I Kings 11:3-4). Alas, when all his labor was finished, all his wealth had been established, and he turned toward the stranger, the Lord God took the kingdom away from him and gave ten of the twelve tribes to the family of Jeroboam (I Kings 11:31). No wonder the king has such a stern warning for his children. For if they continue in the same routine, all of their labor would be lost as well.
On the other end of the spectrum, it's easy to consider the challenges that Paul faced as he labored constantly with the hope that his work was not in vain (Galatians 4:11; I Thessalonians 3:5). His labor was not a physical foundation, but a spiritual investment in the forming of the Body of Christ (I Corinthians 3:10). He worked and toiled day and night on behalf of believers who were in constant need of cultivation. Just as every building has the potential to erode with time, so Paul found that men of salvation were easily being confused by false and perverted doctrine (Galatians 1:6-9). And although their spiritual temples would remain intact by the seal of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13; 4:30), their witness and testimony would quickly erode with a love for the present world (II Timothy 4:10).
So many of us have given our lives as volunteers to the cause of God's grace in this age. We serve. We labor. We work. And we do it all in the hope that our efforts are not in vain. Sometimes, when our labor appears to be lost in the brokenness of fellowship or the silence of brothers who no longer speak, we pause and wonder: "Have I lost all my labor to the inevitable failures of human friction?" Lest we think too highly of our own efforts, let us remember that in this present day, our labor begins and ends with a work much bigger than our temporary disappointments. Just when we begin to feel the sting of labor's loss, His Word reminds us to be confident. For it is His work, not ours.
"Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:" Philippians 1:6
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"And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, And say, 'How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof; and have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me. I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly. ' " Proverbs 5:11-14
In 2007, the biggest chart-topping song on every secular radio station was written and performed by a young man born into an extended family of missionaries and pastors. Ryan Tedder, lead vocalist and songwriter for the band One Republic, found fame in writing lyrics about those who might wish to come back and apologize after turning their backs on someone who loved them. Instead of forgiveness, he sings of a cold heart where no apology will be accepted. "I'm afraid it's too late to apologize. It's too late." Most of our American teenagers have already downloaded this onto their iPods and mp3 players, but Tedder's words offer a glimpse into the mind of young love in today's culture. People don't want to be despised and rejected, so at some point, they turn toward self-preservation and reject any apology that comes their way.
All of us can testify of a brother, a child, a cousin, or a friend we love dearly who consistently takes the wrong path in life. Sometimes it seems that everything they touch turns to poison and you're the first person they call for help. You were the one who gave them sound advice, they ignored everything you said, but then came back to you after their fall. And like the gracious person you are, you questioned whether to forgive someone who was proving over and over that their apology didn't matter. They were going to take the wrong path no matter how much you taught them otherwise. At what point is it "too late" for them to apologize?
These four verses delve into the mind of a smitten child who enters the destructive house of the stranger. He loses his honor. He loses his wealth. And as his "flesh" and "body" are "consumed" in the fires of foolishness, the child looks back to where he started. Dumbfounded by his location in the burning house of a stranger, he asks several questions of himself. Why did I hate instruction so much? How could my heart have ever despised reproof? Why did I not obey the voice of my teachers? Why didn't I listen? Quite simply, he's asking, "How could I have been so stupid?" Already in the footsteps of death and hell (5:5), he doesn't wonder if it's too late. He knows it's too late. The path was there beforehand. He just opted not to walk in it. What's more, the stranger manages to pollute his good standing with the "congregation and assembly." In other words, all who knew him as a child under his father's wing will now recognize him for the evil he has chosen to embrace with a stranger.
Over the years, whether I'm speaking with dispensational or covenant believers, I've heard questions about the longsuffering patience of God to endure ignorance and sin in this world. How long will He tolerate men who take the wicked path? When will it be "too late" for a person to find God's grace? Let's be certain. There is no human measure for God's timeline. What we do know is that the Lord has given us a clear gospel message upon which to believe. The Lord Jesus Christ came into this world to save sinners (I Timothy 1:15). He died on the cross, was buried, and rose again on our behalf (I Corinthians 15:1-4). And if those we love in this world do not believe in what we're teaching them about salvation, it's easy to imagine them asking themselves the same questions of this passage. We just have to make sure we're giving them the right instructions for the right path (II Timothy 2:15).
"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in him whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?" Romans 10:13-14
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"Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?" Proverbs 5:15-20
Near the end of the 20th Century, a wave of teaching about sexual purity hit the airwaves of church youth groups and single college students. For years, budding teens had been taught to "date around" and experiment with potential lovers in order to find the one that best fits. This recipe for disaster encouraged young people to learn one incredibly sad message: Dating is about finding what makes you happy, and if you're not happy, get out of the relationship. In short form, this was an early training for divorce and marital infidelity. "Not happy in your marriage? Go find someone else who fulfills what you're not getting." For those who have given themselves over to a husband or a wife, the pure truth is quite a different story. True love is a giving of one's self to another, not a self-seeking desperation. When a spouse is unsettled, it is the task of both partners to offer comfort and security where it is lacking. And through this cooperation, the two become one united blessing for each other.
As the husband and wife become focused on one another and as the outside distractions fade away, the Lord has designed their union around the enjoyment of righteous intimacy. It's not uncommon for Christians and even Bible-believing pastors to feel as though the marriage bed is a taboo subject upon which no one should speak. However, the Scriptures are not so subtle and the reason is simple. If God's Word only ever speaks about the pitfalls of adultery without building up the joys of godly intimacy, then the love between a man and his wife becomes its own private affair. An affair that neither husband or wife ever discuss. And when that marriage bed grows cold, the voice of a stranger's temptation can be even more alluring.
These six verses are somewhat of an intermission between the devastation of adultery and the end result of a man who chooses to go down that road. For just these six verses, Solomon asks that his son remember the "wife of [his] youth." The flourishing of their marriage is described with several phrases we might not normally recognize. For to "drink water of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well" is to look for satisfaction where it already exists: with the wife of your youth. Perhaps most unexpected is that Solomon encourages his son to ensure that their marriage is not a secret engagement, but rather, that those same "fountains be dispersed abroad" where there are "rivers of water in the streets." Let all those "abroad" and in the "streets" know that this is your wife. She is yours. There is no room and no need for a stranger.
Still, men are designed in a way that even the most faithful believers often question. "Why is my sexual desire so impulsive? Why am I so easily distracted by visual images that pass before my eyes? How am I to control an appetite for this kind of satisfaction?" Again, the answers reside with the "wife of thy youth." The wife must know of her husband's desire or his unsettled appetite will become a hidden secret that they never discuss. What's more, his appetite must never be forced upon her or she will grow to hate him for it. There's must be a mutual, cooperative, loving care for one another's intimate needs. When that occurs, marriage offers a sexual satisfaction that leaves even the most fluent Bible reader blushing. "Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."
Why, if a man is satisfied in his marriage, would he "embrace the bosom of a stranger" he doesn't know? That's the curious end to Solomon's intermission and the answer is quite simple: a man who enjoys his wife would not embrace the bosom of a stranger because he is fully satisfied with the waters of his own well. He takes care of his wife and she takes care of him. Undefiled by a stranger's embrace, the marriage bed is the only place upon which lovers should quench their thirst for satisfaction. Blush if you must. The Word of God is not shy.
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"For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He pondereth all his goings." Proverbs 5:21
Long before I came to understand the grace of God, most of my nights were spent in apologetic prayers for all the sins that I might have committed during that particular day. The image I had of the Lord was that of a big man with a yardstick waiting to slap and punish me for each misstep. Most frightening were the mornings when I awoke to realize that I had fallen asleep before the end of those prayers. Trying to recall every look of lust or every selfish moment was an exhausting task that never seemed to end. These fears were not isolated to the childishness of my own mind, they were the same fears that many Christians still wrestle with today. Of course, the basis for living in constant fear of punishment is a lack of confidence about what the Lord sees and what He thinks about His children in this present age.
Throughout the Old Testament Scriptures, the "thoughts" of God are described in several ways. First, they cannot be numbered, for they are of an infinite nature (Psalm 40:5; Psalm 139:17). Second, they are higher and deeper than the ways of man (Psalm 92:5; Isaiah 55:8). Third and most importantly, in time past, the thoughts of God were known only to God Himself and were unknown to men unless given explicitly by signs or revelations (Jeremiah 29:11; Micah 4:12). In other words, no man has ever been counsel to the Lord God of heaven and earth. All of His thoughts are based on His own knowledge and His own wisdom that far exceeds any and all wisdom of men.
This theme continues in the age of grace under the Apostle Paul, but with a slightly new twist. For indeed, "who hath known the mind of the Lord" that he should serve as "counselor" to the Almighty (Romans 11:34)? Or "who hath know the mind of the Lord" that he should serve as the Lord's instructor (I Corinthians 2:16)? Quite simply, no one hath known the mind of the Lord to serve in either of these roles. We are not the counselors of God, nor are we His instructors. In contrast to the generations before when the full revelation of Jesus Christ had not been made whole, we now have "the mind of Christ" (I Corinthians 2:16), and access to "study" the Word of God (II Timothy 2:15) with an eye toward knowing His thoughts (Philippians 4:7-8). Alas, when we open up to the Book of Proverbs (or any other book of the Bible), we aren't hindered by a partial view of the facts. We're able to survey the Scriptures in their perfect entirety and know what it was that the Lord intended to convey through His Word. This is a remarkable gift that so many believers take for granted.
Within the context of Solomon's proverb, the "ways of man" that are before the eyes of the Lord are his faithfulness or lack thereof. Either he embraces the love of his wife or he turns from her to the infidelity of a stranger. Whether he walks toward or away from his first love, he will always believe that his way is the right way (Proverbs 21:2). The Lord, however, looks at his heart and "pondereth all his goings" to discern whether those steps are good or evil (Proverbs 15:3). His steps will be counted.
The difference between God's pondering in time past and His pondering today is that the blood of Christ has covered the iniquities of every believer. He knows your steps and He sees your walk, but your punishment was paid. There's no need to lose sleep.
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"His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins." Proverbs 5:22
On a particularly bright and sunny afternoon, Eric Stevens moved quickly to get his new refrigerator in place. He had dreamed of the day when this top-of-the-line Maytag appliance would fit snug where the old yellow fridge had been for so many years. Once it was properly aligned, Eric began filling the lower half with milk, juices, eggs, and sandwich meat. The upper freezer received its share of ice cream, frozen dinners, and popsicles. Dreams came easy that night as he imagined a new morning with chilled fruit over a bowl of milk-soaked Cheerios. As though the birds were chirping and the butterflies were fluttering, he awoke and drifted blissfully to the kitchen where his new fridge had waited patiently for hours. When he opened its double-doors, the stench of rotten eggs and sour milk were overpowering. Eric leaned over a nearby counter to notice a cord hanging off the side. In the rush of anticipation, he had never plugged it in.
A dangling cord is a pointless object, but where it is in use, the cord holds all the power. So it is with the cords of sin. Not only do they hold the power, but they tangle their victims like a choking infant in the womb of his mother. Sin is not merely an active option, but a web of entrapment. Charles Spurgeon, once preaching on the mystery of Proverbs 5:22, said, "That which first attracted a sinner, afterwards detains him. Evil habits are soon formed, the soul readily becomes accustomed to evil, and then, even if the man should have lingering thoughts of better things, and form frail resolutions to amend, his iniquities hold him captive like a bird in the fowler's snare." No matter how much he wants out, he alone cannot remove himself from sin, for he is tangled within its many cords. Given any opportunity, sin will place a man in bondage and consider him captive.
Sadly, this is a crucial message that the lost never comprehend. They believe themselves capable of Houdini's escape from slavery, but they are torn asunder with every attempt. Solomon's message is not a difficult one to apprehend. A man who recognizes himself as "wicked" may look back and think about getting on the right path, but "he shall be holden" by the "cords" that bind him to the original sin. If there is any hope, if there is any chance, and if there is any possibility that a man may escape these cords of sin, he must give up every attempt to free himself and allow someone to act on his behalf.
Our gospel of salvation begins with a full recognition that "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Even the slightest glance in the mirror can be a simple reminder of all that we come short. If, therefore, the "wages of sin is death" and all men are held captive to it (Romans 6:23), those who have already placed their faith in Christ Jesus should see the lost for the emergency that they are. Their void is yet another opportunity to share the grace of God. Our gift of eternal life should not be withheld or disguised as though we were embarrassed to speak. On the contrary, Spurgeon closed his sermon with these words: "As you and I cannot set these captives free, let us look to Him who can. O, let our prayers go up and let our tears drop down for sinners." All men are tangled with the cords of sin, but we have a message of hope that will loosen the grip of every cord.
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"He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray." Proverbs 5:23
Perhaps the most timeless and precious classic of a child's Sunday School education is that of the lost sheep. "How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray? And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray" (Matthew 18:12-13). Regardless of any context for which they are ignorant, children are taught quite clearly that the Lord cares deeply for the lost. The great Shepherd, in their familiar story, will leave all the other sheep behind in order to find the one that's gone astray.
Biblical estrangement, as the parable dictates, can simply be a matter of one's wandering off the beaten path. Shepherds are a guide to the mindless sheep who follow, but any who have witnessed these grazing animals in a field can attest to the fact that they are easily distracted by every wind and floating blade of grass. No matter how much the Shepherd guides His sheep, it doesn't take much for just one of them to end up in the jaws of a predator or the thicket of a prickly brush. But for the dispensational reader, questions arise about how generic or specific this lesson really is for the modern age. Can members of the Body of Christ really be compared to the ninety-nine plus one if they are sealed in the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13)?
If ever there was an example of someone in Paul's epistles who had "gone astray" in a theological sense, we need look no further than I Corinthians 5:1-5. Here was a man who slept with his father's wife and made an excessive mockery of an already carnal church in Corinth. Yet, when Paul laid out his judgment, he said, "deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus" (I Corinthians 5:5). In other words, here was a believer who had turned his back on anything godly, yet there is no implication that Paul, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, has any interest in helping him get back to the rest of the group (1 + 99). On what grounds would we compare this to the sweeter sound of a Shepherd coming for His lost sheep? Our message is rather clear. None of us are lost, but some are more destructive than others. For today's believer in the Body of Christ, we are a single unit saved by grace and seated in heavenly realms (Ephesians 2:6). We are not spiritually divided as though some were safe and others were lost. When one is down, it affects the whole, but the spiritual Body is still intact (I Corinthians 12:20-27).
This present reminder of our place in Christ is not, however, a reason to disregard a proper understanding of Solomon's closing message in Proverbs 5. After all the discipline, after all the instruction, and after all the wisdom he teaches to his children about fidelity, those who become entangled with the "cords of sin" (5:22) will "die" as though they had never been instructed in righteousness. And for a child raised under the wisdom of God, going down the road of an adulterous stranger is the ultimate "folly." Unless someone comes for him, he has "gone astray" from all that was once familiar. And without a Savior, the lost man will never find his way back.
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In 1984, as Walter Mondale and sitting President Ronald Reagan were preparing to face off in their election debates, a quiet woman of almost sixty years was unraveling a touching love story that would become an instant classic on the shelves of every Christian bookstore for years to come. Elisabeth Elliot (formerly Elisabeth Howard), author of Passion & Purity, testified of her now-famous courtship with Jim Elliot, a missionary serving in South America. The two had a strong bond in their passion for reaching the lost, but they wrestled with their longing to be with one another. They chose to "wait" until the right time before rushing to satisfy any immediate urges that might hinder their higher ministry of serving the gospel. But soon after they finally exchanged vows and started a family, Jim's body was found mutilated by the Huaorani tribe in Ecuador.
Their story has become a landmark for many young believers in Christ who consider courtship to be a much more appropriate means of finding a mate. Rather than "dating around" as the world encourages, these young people utilize parental wisdom and accountability with an eye toward cultivating their future marriage in godly purity before it has even begun. Elliot's fourteenth chapter, entitled Honor Above Passion, relays the following message: "Honor is fidelity to a system of fixed values and relations. Is there anything today, even in the imagination of the Christian, for which we are willing to pay the price of self-sacrifice?" Counter-culture teaches our youth that they should satisfy any urge that pleases the self. This includes "dating around" until all of an individual's appetites are presumably fed – even if that means sex outside of marriage. Elliot continues, "The majority will sacrifice anything – security, honor, self-respect, the welfare of people they love, obedience to God – to passion."
Proverbs 5 could easily be called a divine lesson in "passion and purity." So much of it is driven by the wisdom of pure fidelity and the dangers of any passion enjoyed outside the marriage bed. From the beginning, Solomon urges his son to fill his "lips" with knowledge so that when the "lips of a strange woman drop as a honeycomb," he will know that "her end is bitter as wormwood," her "feet go down to death," and that her "ways are moveable" (5:1-6). Widening his audience from one son to many children (5:7), the king warns that knowing these dangers about the stranger is not enough. "The door of her house" must be avoided at all costs, "lest thou" give away "thine honor," "thy wealth," and "thy body" to the consumption of her flames (5:8-11). Failure to protect themselves would end in their ultimate regret (5:12-14).
Rather than searching for pleasure or allowing one's self to become enraptured by temptations galore, Solomon turns to a very intimate choice of words. Husbands, "drink waters out of thine own cistern," "let thy fountain be blessed," "rejoice with the wife of thy youth," "be thou ravished always with her love" (5:15-19). Given all the love and tenderness of a caring wife, "why wilt thou" need to be "ravished" with a stranger (5:20)? Quite simply, there is no need for such reckless abandon. The Lord sees and ponders all the choices of men (5:21). For the one who goes down this foolish road having been given every "instruction" to the contrary, he will be "holden with the cords of sin" and "in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray" (5:22-23). Timely or not, many believers in this age have fallen prey to their own sins and their own follies. Fortunately, even in this poetic book, the hope of redemption is not lost on the fool. Proverbs is far from over.
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